So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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