mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
