Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
