Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
