wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
