dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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