so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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