I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
