I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
