I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
