I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
