No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
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