Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
