oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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