I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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