She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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