I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
