There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
