I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
