I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
