So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
