and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
