I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
