hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
