i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
