no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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