Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
