I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
