First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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