U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
