Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
