She announced her abortion via fbk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You made out with two different species that night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
