I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All the doctor said was why
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
