I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How does it feel to date your dad?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
