The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
