I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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