I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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