I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
