just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
