She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
