Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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