Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
