im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
