This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
