i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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