It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
