my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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