Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
