my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
