margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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