just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
