She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i want to swaddle you in tequila
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
