Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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